Authentic Leadership: The Power of Dropping the Mask

Some of us consciously put on a mask when we go to work each day. We act in the way we think someone in our role—especially a leader—should act. Others wear a mask without even realising it. It becomes so ingrained in who we are that we lose sight of what authentic leadership really means.

Many years ago, I realised I was the latter.

Whether it’s deliberate or unconscious, masking who we are limits our authenticity as a leader. It weakens our ability to connect with others. And it dulls the joy we get from life and work.

When a Strength Gets in the Way

One of my leadership strengths is Emotional Control. It means I can stay calm under pressure and avoid getting swept up by emotion, whether at work or at home.

Except, that is, with my wife, Jo.

After a long day or when my mind is elsewhere, I sometimes snap at her. Not because she’s done anything wrong, but because I’m internalising emotions I haven’t dealt with properly.

That’s on me. And it’s something I’m actively working on.

The truth is, when Emotional Control is overplayed, it can make me seem dispassionate or distant. I don’t tend to share how I’m feeling. And while I’ve known that for a while, it took a conversation with a good friend and coach to bring it fully into focus.

She said:

“You talk about lifting the mask in your book, Ben—but what about lifting your own mask? I find it really hard to read you sometimes.”

That hit home. But her next words hit even harder.

“You know Ben, if you don’t share some of your emotions, some of the struggle, I wonder if people might see you as Mr Perfect?”

That floored me.

I wouldn’t say it rocked me to my core, but I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

It’s forced me to ask some tough questions about how I show up and how that affects the people I work with.

The Cost of Not Being Authentic

I often tell my private coaching clients that the strengths which made them successful early in their career won’t always serve them in the next phase.

That’s true for me too.

My ability to keep emotions in check helped me in the Army and in many leadership roles since. But if I really want to lead with impact, share my knowledge, and connect with others in a meaningful way—then I need to let people see more of me.

I need to drop the mask.

Not just the conscious one. But the unconscious one I’ve been wearing so long, I forgot it was there.

Where Does the Mask Come From?

I’m not a psychologist, so I can’t tell you exactly what parts of our personality are natural and what are shaped by experience.

But I do believe we develop ways of thinking and behaving based on emotionally charged moments, especially in childhood.

For me, one of those moments is clear.

I remember sitting at the top of the stairs as a child, crying quietly while listening to my parents argue. I wanted to know what was happening, to be ready in case I needed to help—though I didn’t really know how I could help.

And when I heard one of them leave the room, I’d rush back into my bedroom, wipe my face, and hide under the duvet. I didn’t want them to know I was upset. I didn’t want them to worry about me.

I don’t blame my parents. Quite the opposite—I’m grateful. Their decision to stay together for the sake of Alex and me taught me more about selflessness and leadership than you’ll ever know.

Since becoming a parent myself, I’ve learned this: parenting is the greatest leadership challenge of all.

What I Know Now About Authentic Leadership

Initially, I didn’t think I had a “work mask.” I wasn’t hiding anything deliberately. I wasn’t being fake.

But the truth is, I’d worn it for so long, it became part of me.

Now, I know better.

Authentic leadership doesn’t mean oversharing or being an open book all the time. It means showing up with realness. It means knowing who you are, owning your story, and allowing others to see your edges—not just the polished surface.

And it means recognising when one of your strengths has quietly become a limitation.

Final Thoughts

Why did I write this?

Honestly—partly for me. To see what happens when I lift the mask a little more. To see how it feels.

But mostly, I wrote it in the hope that you might do the same.

So that you can connect more deeply with those around you.
So that you can lead more powerfully.
So that you can enjoy life more fully.

As Brené Brown puts it:

“You cannot selectively numb emotions. If you numb the dark, you also numb the light.”

If you’re ready to explore your strengths more deeply and lead with greater authenticity, take a look at the Strengthscope® Profile and 360° Feedback tools I use in my coaching programmes:

They’ll help you uncover how your strengths show up under pressure, where they might be overplayed, and how to lead more authentically, without the mask.